Anonymous asked: Hi. Would you mind if I asked you for some personal advice? I really have no one else to talk about this. You've mentioned before that you're a "hikkikomori" and that your parents are letting you stay with them. I'm in a similar situation because I have social anxiety and while my parents are supportive and helping me with my everyday life, they keep pressuring me to see a phychiatrist. And I really REALLY don't want that, just the idea makes me anxious as hell and I feel it would do (cont)
(cont) more harm than good. But I don’t know how to convey it to them, and they keep telling me things like “what are you gonna do when we’re both dead and can’t support you? how will you get a job if you don’t deal with this now?” which makes me feel so paralysed I can’t respond. Do your parents ever tell you these things? How would you reply if they did? Do you think I should just bite the bullet and see a doctor? Sorry for unloading on your inbox like this but I’d really appreciate a reply!
Oh man, I feel you. I don’t have the obvious panic attack kind of anxiety, but this is hella familiar. My parents told me these things more before, to the point where being home was constantly stressful because I felt like i was going to get ambushed with a lecture every time i came out of my room, but it’s tapered off a lot in recent years. I think it’s partly that they realized pressuring me would only freak me out more and they got used to the situation, and partly that, being less freaked out, I started venturing outside again. it’s a bit of a chicken and egg thing.
I’m seeing a psychiatrist. She is an amazing, kind, generous woman and she never judges me, it is not her job to judge me but to enable me to understand myself so I stop tripping myself up so much and gain the self-help tools I need to do maintenance on my mind, and believe me I’m sure she has seen hella worse than me. She’s just like a body doctor, they see a broken leg they fix the broken leg, they don’t sneer at you over how stupid you were to have broken it in the first place, what do you mean a car accident don’t you know you should have blahblahblah — no! not like that at ALL.
It can be a bit hit and miss to find the right shrink who fits you, and the process itself can be stressful especially if you have a hard time rejecting people, even if it’s on a professional, “you’re not bad, you just don’t fit me” basis. (and like everywhere else a handful of professionals are assholes.) But once you’ve found someone who works for you, you probably won’t have to change again for several years.
At the same time forcing yourself to go when you absolutely don’t want to go and you just want your parents to shut up about it would not help.
I really, really need to start looking into therapy again. Not with my old therapist—I liked her a lot, but we sort of hit a plateau shortly before I stopped seeing her (insurance reasons).